Bigotry Alive and Well in Ottawa County

It is important to understand the word bigotry, what it actually means, and to see it in action. Everyone is quick to say they are not bigoted but we are all bigoted to some degree about everything. Religion, the Republican party, and the Supreme Court have shown obstinate and unreasonable prejudice and bigotry towards citizens of this country who happen to be gay. The Ottawa Impact commissioners have showcased that same blatant bigotry here in Ottawa County. It is important to at least guess the why and to understand the impact of bigotry on someone’s life.

BIGOTRY – obstinate or unreasonable attachment to a belief, opinion, or faction, in particular prejudice against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.

Ottawa Impact did not introduce bigotry in Ottawa County, it was already here. They have simply endorsed it and the discrimination it breeds. Whether it is the defunding and harassment of any group or agency that services the gay community to the banning of books in schools and libraries, the message is clear. It is justified to be bigoted against gays. And if you are religious it is expected that you will be, although any true Christian should find it difficult to support bigotry and discrimination in scripture.

You see, the Christianity I grew up in, the kind my grandmother lived and breathed, was not a political jihad but a personal experience. Everyone who knew her and saw her, Bible in hand everywhere she went, could rely on her virtue to not judge, criticize, or trash talk about them behind their back. Oh, she had her opinions and she was not afraid to voice them. They were always birthed in love and delivered with compassion.

The Christian Nationalist movement, of which Ottawa Impact and by extension, Ottawa County Commissioners practice, is devoid of that kind of Christianity. It is now said, the teachings of Jesus are too milk toast for today’s more militant evangelical Christians. Today’s politically active Christians want to remove Christ from Christian Nationalism. After growing up in the church I now understand, it is more important to be a good person than to be a good Christian.

Garden variety bigotry

My first brush with blatant bigotry took me totally by surprise. My partner and I decided to buy a house together. We were both living in different cities and wanted to buy a house halfway in between. We contacted a realtor who showed us some houses. Everything was fine until he learned the deed would have both our names on it. Suddenly, he had no time for us, no houses to show even though we had an appointment and had driven some distance for that purpose. After a couple of cold-shoulder meetings, we confronted him and discovered he was opposed to two men buying a house together because of his religious convictions.

It was easy enough to find someone else more professional who was eager to take our money. After that incident, we were more sensitive to the telltale signs. Furniture salesman, who for some reason, disappeared and never came back. Buying appliances or a car was much simpler and easier if only one of us dealt with the paperwork. Having been together for over thirty years we experienced discrimination from religious persons and businesses many times and learned to deal with them long before the Supreme Court turned it into a Christian virtue.

As a gay couple, you learn to avoid businesses that display crosses or so-called Christian mottos. We have learned to deal with Christian businesses by keeping one hand your wallet and your back against the wall. Lorie Smith didn’t need to go to the Supreme Court. All she had to do was put a cross or some scripture on her website and most self-respecting gay couples would avoid her like the plague.

Same Sex Marriage

To their credit and our appreciation, both the county clerk and the Holland District Court handled their duties with the utmost professionalism. The marriage vows were modified to remove any religious verbiage or gender bias as is appropriate for a civil ceremony. We complimented the officiator on the modifications to accommodate us. He seemed surprised that we would appreciate the modified ceremony.

We were somewhat concerned about protestors or even violence against same-sex couples outside of the courthouse, but there was none. Since there was no one in either of our families who was either available or supportive of same-sex marriage, our witnesses were two women of mild acquaintance who graciously stood with us and celebrated after.

Living in Ottawa County

Before you ramp up the what are you complaining about speech, the marriage postpartum felt a lot like the prepartum. For a gay man, finding a doctor can be a tricky thing. Do you come right out and ask if they are a bigot or do you wait and find out later? My partner asked, I did not.

Life after marriage means filling out those boxes that ask married or single differently and having to add spouse contact information. Why it should matter is beyond me, since I don’t fornicate on my desk or in front of clients, but many companies still penalize or even fire gay employees without cause.

Then there are the neighbors.

Besides the barking dogs, screaming kids (If you love your kids so much, why put their play set as close to your neighbor’s property line as you can get it?), and boundary disputes; there is also a good chance of living right next door to a religious bigot.

There are multiple bigots on our street but the most annoying one was the one who parked her van in our drive every morning to put her child on the school bus. Ours is a common drive for multiple houses and when someone is parked on it no one from any of the houses can come or go. While this is very annoying for everyone, we put up with it for years without complaint.

The straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back is that when we went for our morning constitutional, we would say good morning to the woman who would stand in the middle of our common drive with her dog and her child, and she would not respond. Not only did she not respond but she turned her back to us. Not only did she turn her back on us, but she taught her child to do the same.

Before you start the whole sexualization of children thing, we did not hold hands, kiss, say something disgusting, wear a tutu, or do anything other than walk by and be friendly. There would be no reason for anyone to assume or question anything other than by reason of neighborhood gossip mongers. There are others, both male and female, who walk together regularly in the neighborhood.

When confronted about her rudeness, the woman warned us not to speak to her or she would make a harassment complaint to the police. She claimed our drive was designated as a bus stop by the school and we had no choice but to put up with her loitering in it.

Speaking of neighborhood gossip mongers, there were coincidentally other religious households on the street who also turned their back as we walked by. They were a bit more subtle about it, and since they weren’t clogging up our driveway, not quite as annoying and more easily ignored.

The police were called and resolved nothing except to inform us no one was legally allowed to block our drive. After phone calls to the school transportation department, it was determined that our drive was not a designated bus stop. A letter to the offending neighbor informing them of this information and asking them to please park in their own driveway across the street, eventually resolved the issue. The offensive neighbor has since moved away.

Gay Kids

Contrary to religious belief, kids are not turned gay by seeing gay people, reading about them, or any teacher grooming them at school. Gay kids cannot be turned straight again by trucking them off to conversion camps. If you believe in the power of prayer and it doesn’t do the trick, then it probably means God doesn’t see the need to get into the gay conversion business. Maybe religious parents should take the hint.

If the suicide rate among gay teenagers is high (and it is), could a major contributing factor be the tremendous peer pressure, embarrassment, and harassment brought to bear by parents, families, and society in general? The answer, in case you were wondering is, of course it is.

Kids are figuring out where they are comfortable on the sexual spectrum earlier now. There is this thing called the Internet. Sorry, no one believes anymore that you will go blind if you masturbate. Trying to keep kids ignorant or lying to them about sex doesn’t really work anymore. Maybe kids have figured out for themselves (because they are not stupid) that parents are an unreliable resource for sex education.

As usual, religious parents blame everyone else for this new phenomenon. Gay pride events, the health department, the library, the Devil? Are there really that many kids perusing the school or public libraries looking for dirty books? I seriously doubt this and you should too.

The Ottawa Impact position paper on The Sexualization of Michigan Children in Public Schools is just a convenient cover for their attack on public education and the public health department.

Healthy Community

Contrary to what the extremists are saying, we all need to learn to live together in this country and this county. The best way to do that is to simply leave people alone. The politicization of Ottawa County has not improved the efficiency of its county services, I would argue it has done the opposite. It has not decreased the expense, again, the figures will show it has accomplished the opposite.

For the most part, we get along with our neighbors just fine now. Mostly because we have been around so long and the world has not ended. There are a few that avoid us and some that we avoid. It is called compromise, something we all need to learn to live with.

For those who think government with eradicate bigotry, you will be sadly disappointed. For those who think everyone should live by your religious standards, be prepared for disappointment as well. In point of fact, you should be prepared for the backlash the extremism of Ottawa Impact and the current Supreme Court is creating. True Christians and moderates of all stripes are tired of being driven from one crisis to the next by the manipulation of political extremists hiding behind the flimsiest of excuses. It is not difficult to discern their true motivations. None of them particularly Christian.

Across the street, a home displays their church flag and homeschools their children. It is likely they are indoctrinating the next generation of religious bigots. However, we do not know that as fact, and until we do, we will continue to say good morning and give a friendly wave. At least until they turn their backs against us. To do otherwise is bigotry.

Anonymous gay couple living in Ottawa County